As one of the seven Sacraments, ‘Reconciliation’ or ‘Confession’ needs time and prayer to prepare for properly. But frequently it is very obvious to us priests that many people have never really been taught how to go to Confession. First of all, it is important to say that is no fault of your own – and secondly, there is no reason to fear that any of your Confessions were not valid.    Thirdly, we all have room for improvement – all of us – and the more we take the time to prepare for Confession humbly and prayerfully, the more we are able to respond to the tide of grace that washes over us every time we are absolved.

Conscience first; Confession second

Confession is not supposed to be a therapeutic conversation when you get things off your chest. It is the fruit of an examination of conscience – which is a formal way of saying a review of the things you have done (or failed to do) in the period of time since your last Confession. This takes time. It cannot really be done in the five minutes or so you may be waiting in line. In fact, if you leave it until the time you go to Confession, you’ve left it too late. One way of thinking about it is this: you should be examining your conscience daily. If you do this well, you will know when it is time to seek God’s mercy in Confession.

My sins; not your sins

When we desire Reconciliation, we confess our sins to God, because we have come to realize they have damaged our relationship with Him and with the whole community. In times past, Reconciliation had a ‘public’ dimension – that is, people in the community knew you had come to repent of your sins – and people in the community received your penance once it had been satisfied. We no longer do this – Confession is a strictly private matter these days – but it still has a public dimension. We go to Confession because the things we have done (or not done) have wounded our relationship with God and the community. We do not go to complain about other people’s sins.

Less ‘why’, more ‘how’ (sometimes)

Finally, the priest does not often need a great deal of background. The ‘why’ questions are, for the most part, not that relevant. If he needs to know more details, the priest will ask you to explain. The ‘how’ questions often need to be stated more plainly. When we are embarrassed about something we tend to dress it up in evasive language, as if somehow that makes it better. God already knows what we did. In perfect detail. Evasive language – trying to soften the blow – is a sign of imperfect contrition. If you feel that you have a defense, then there’s possibly a residual element of pride.

The angels and saints are cheering you on

Remember that, because Confession is a Sacrament, it involves the whole Church – including Heaven. The saints and angels are on your side – they desire for you to be friends with God for ever, like they are. The saints in particular are men and women who have suffered temptation and been found worthy. They know what it is like to be human – and, now that they live in Christ, they know all the whys and wherefores. They have more compassion on you than you do for yourself. Why not pick out a favorite saint to pray for you as you go to Confession? Ask them to help you see where you need God’s healing – and thank them for their friendly concern.